I've been thinking a lot about the gender politics of fashion lately, and how it relates to my own sartorial choices. A while ago on Facebook that I used to be a tomboy, and someone I knew in high school wrote, "
YOU were a tomboy?!" Granted, this was the same person who saw me in a tee shirt and remarked, "Your shoulders are
MASSIVE!" (It took me years of yoga to stop slumping my broad shoulders forward in an awkward attempt to look smaller.)
I guess "tomboy" is the wrong word for it. I did wear the occasional ruffly dress, and I don't have an intrinsic hatred of pink or pastels. However, I kept pet iguanas, and my true fashion staples were my reptile tee shirts and my oversized Stussy hoodie. My sixth grade teacher made me bring a hairbrush to school because my level of personal grooming wasn't what she thought it should be. I cried when a friend wanted to play "beauty parlor." I love having pixie-short hair, but I also like it when it's shaggy and a bit longer. When I was little I played with My Little Ponies AND toy cars. I dressed up as Superman AND as a unicorn.
Most importantly, I've always liked my nickname: Mel. It's gender-neutral and fits me well.
I've always felt as if I'm equal parts male and female. When the genetic coin flipped my body decided to develop in one direction, while my mind kept both sexes in consideration. I make a cute boy, and I make a cute girl. Why should I have to choose?
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| Cate Blanchett in I'm Not There |
I don't.
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| Janelle Monae |
I don't have to choose ever again.
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| Andrej Pejic |
Growing up, I didn't know there was a name for what I am, and that many other people feel the same way I do.
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| Lady Gaga as Jo Calderone |
I am genderqueer.
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| Iggy Pop |
I've never had an identity I could fully identify with before. I always felt like I didn't belong anywhere. While I've had "flings" with both sexes, my committed relationships have only been with men.
It's nice to be reassured that my identity doesn't have to be defined by who I chose to love. So often I fall into the trap of defining myself based upon other people, instead of listening to my higher self.
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| Me in a faux-hawk phase. |
While I've dabbled in androgynous dressing on and off for a long while now, I've never fully committed to full-on drag. That's going to change.
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| Glam femme realness. |
I've purchased my first chest binder, and I'm really excited about it.
I also stuffed a pair of socks into my underwear for the first time since I dressed up as Garth for Halloween in 2002. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures. I got hit on a lot that night.
I'll make sure to post some pictures as soon as I get my drag on. This is a huge step for me, and I feel happier than I have in a long time. Here are some of the items I've purchased to supplement my trans identity. First I wanted a comfy pair of men's jeans with a little bit of stretch:
And some vests (tank tops) that swing both ways:
ASOS has some great pieces in their male section that are hot no matter how I choose to identify that day. I love these tanks so much I ordered two.
I've also been obsessed with finding a vintage-style striped tee. This one by Madewell is perfect:
I've been spending quite a bit of time on websites like
Gender Fork and
Dyke Duds for inspiration, and am amazed at the amount of people out there who are exactly like me. I have no idea how I've gone this long without discovering this community, but I'm never going back. I know I'm going to be met with a lot of misunderstanding and flat-out hate, but for the first time in my life I'm ready to be ME, whatever that means.
See you soon!
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